I'm tempted to write this all in French, but I want everybody to be able to understand it, or it loses it's meaning. She already knows all of this, but I want the rest of the world to know this too.
I know somebody here. She's an amazing person. Her writing is beautiful and her English almost
perfect. She isn't that far away from me, not really. I could probably reach her in two hours if I went by a plane. She's fantastic, really. Such a kind, sweet person, and yet so realistic. She never even complains when I verbally abuse her, because she knows it's just love.
It feels like I knew her from the very beginning of her becoming more active here. Maybe that's not true, but it feels like it. When she first wrote, she was so self-conscious of her writings, and she shouldn't have been. She is amazing. No. Wait. She is AWASING. And somehow she even got better after that.
Because of that, I would stalk her. Literally. I remember my first comment to her said something like, "Oh great! Another writer to stalk!! :D" And since then we joked about me living in her layout.
Although that changed because the bitch changed her layout three million times >_____<
But then we started chatting on msn. At first, it was mainly because I wanted to get help with my French, and then I could help her with northern slang (lol). Somehow though, we began to discuss deeper things.
Our chatting came at a time when I was particularly out of control. My friend Yuki had just died during the earthquake, and I was having issues with my medication, family etc. I was going out almost every and getting completely wasted because I couldn't. And she made a post, after talking with me for...maybe only the second time. THIS
post to be precise. And suddenly, I felt so grateful and suddenly a lot closer to her.
Now I look at where we have got to. She is my bitch, my YOU, my twin (a.k.a. twinee-chan) I feel bad because she never complains when I talk about emo things, or about other people she barely knows. She is an excellent listener, and certainly one of my two best friends. Sometimes I feel guilty because she knows that in my mind she is second best, but still keeps on giving me a cwtch when I need one, and a shoulder to cry on. At least it comforts me to know that I am not the most special to her, either, because that...that is probably yuurikasaito
, so I am not using yet another person :)
I wonder, why does it have to be like that though? Couldn't I just love her the same as I love my other special person? Maybe the other person might be offended by that, but then again, she might not if she could only see what a positive influence this person is to my life. Without the two of you, I can't breathe.
If I could only give back as much support as this AWASING person has given me, it would still not be enough, nor express my gratitude.
Last night, I was feeling bad because of something and she was out (although I didn't know this). I sent her an sms to see if she would mind talking about "mechanics" with me (that's our word for 'emotions'), and she didn't have any money to text me back. But then, I started to feel really bad, and I sent another one explaining the situation a little. That was a selfish thing to do. But then, do you know what she did?She drove back home just so she could get online to comfort me.
How many people would do that for somebody they never even met?
This person, she is truly, truly wonderful. Maybe, she the kindest person I know. I certainaly couldn't wish for a better twin.
One thing she said to me once, was this:
I would never have a twin like you. They wouldn't be as perfect ♥
And I never forgot it, because it's true both ways.
Something else she told me was that if anything ever happened and I got thrown out of home, but this time permanently, she would let me stay there. And I honestly believe that she might. She doesn't say things that she doesn't mean. Other people, they say that they will love you forever and they would do anything for you, but she doesn't say that. She doesn't make promises that she can't keep. She doesn't believe that things last like that, and I can understand exactly why she would believe that. Those things are wonderful to hear, but if they get betrayed and broken they shatter you into three million tiny pieces.
This girl, this YOU, my irreplaceable bitch, my French twin is somebody who I want to say I will love forever, but using her logic, I just say that I will love her as long as I can, and as long as she believes that it is possible. My two icons devoted solely to her still do not give her enough love as she deserves.
We even have this plan, this big, crazy plan xD It sounds ridiculous but it brings hope whenever we are down. The plan is that we work very, very, very, very hard and get a LOT of money, and then I get the train to see her in Paris.
And visit the BABY and AP stores whilst I'm there
Then after that, we fly off to go and see yuurikasaito
. But then, the reason we have to have a lot of money because we have to get to Manila to visit...like...everybody xD It sounds like such a far fetched plan the more we chat about it, and completely impossible, but it has to happen someday. And it's always the reason why everything has to be okay.
Really, I am so grateful to her for always making me smile, and I want her to know that if she ever feels down or lonely, she should just sms me. Although maybe she already knows that~♥ YOU mean so much to me. *cwtch* ♥